Holiday Round-Up

I never did tell you what I thought of New York and Ft Lauderdale did I? And I know you're terribly interested.

So, New York; in a word "repressed". Or perhaps "depressed". There's still a definite "should we really be having fun?" vibe hanging over the city, like the entire population feels guilty about something. Where are the clubs? The really banging bars?

We had the opportunity to visit a bath-house whilst in town, believe it or not for the sole purpose of having a shower (we'd been on the beach all day and didn't fancy schlepping out to Westchester to change before heading back into the city). Anyway, it was a good job we weren't feeling frisky, as we would have been put off by the "No Oral, No Anal, No Vaginal, No more than one person to a room" speech we were given, along with the various posters put up to remind us. I know it's all to satisfy local laws, but it certainly puts a dampener on the experience.

Just entering the place was an odd affair, involving having to put valuables in a safe deposit box, then putting the key to it in an envelope and having to sign for everything, in many different places. I believe the safe deposit box was then put into a safe which was lowered into a vat of boiling oil, and the whole lot suspended over a pit of poison-tipped spikes. Once we finally made it inside it was drab and quiet, like The Admiral Duncan on a week-night (but with even less sex and no opportunity to at least get drunk to spice things up). I have a feeling there was an entire floor closed off because there didn't appear to be a steam room, just rooms and showers, so perhaps our visit wasn't a good indication of the facilities, but still, it just wasn't up to English saunas (and that's coming from someone who’s not into the whole sauna thing).

There was one very sexy guy in attendance, and he was very interested, but we just weren't in the mood, so we showered and left in a hurry to find somewhere with some atmosphere. Unfortunately we happened upon The Gym Bar. Oh well, you can't win them all - the place seems totally devoid of any discernible character.

Perhaps we just need to spend some more time with some locals "going native" to get the best out of New York. I certainly like the city, in fact I like it more each time I visit, but there's this odd sanitised feeling. It's like London's younger and similarly wayward brother has found God and renounced it's sinful ways. It's lacking spunk.

Whilst we were in America the Democrat Convention was on, and we sat through Hillary and Bill Clinton, and Michelle and Barrack Obama's speeches on tv with our hosts (who got very into it). It was certainly interesting to see how intent everyone is about it in the USA. I must admit to finding much of the content of the speeches rather dumb and overly sentimental, and dare I say it laughable in places, but it seems that this is the way to win over Middle America, who don't seem to be able to make up their minds on who to vote for purely on policy. I just couldn't imagine Sarah Brown making an impassioned speech about Gordon in such a way - it just wouldn't work over here in the UK - it would be met with derision. Still, the current US election is entirely fascinating for us, much more so than at any time in the past it seems. I guess the rest of the world is waiting with baited breath praying that America does the right thing this time.

At that will be the last missive from OMO Towers concerning politics.

On a lighter note, we had to queue to get into Abercombie & Fitch!!! (Ah, back to the usual vacuous gay chatter). Yes, queue, for a whole 15 minutes. The Boyf made the comment that this would be the one and only time he'll ever queue to get into a shop, but I found it all rather amusing. In fact I find the whole A&F experience rather amusing, hence my willingness to queue. Once inside the place was dark and the music was pumping. And it wasn't anywhere near full. Apparently they make people queue to build interest. The assistants were dancing, and I mean REALLY dancing, not just jiggling. Do they really get paid to stand by clothes and dance all day in a strange half-light? Do you think A&F employees will evolve with extra joints to allow for better dancing, and with translucent skin and large eyes? Perhaps some of those light-emitting cells like deep sea fish to attract us to the polo shirts.

We tried to take a photo of them dancing but they wouldn't let us, so we surreptitiously videod them instead. We basically just ran about the shop giggling, and weren't really all that interested in the clothes, partly because we'd forgotten to take a torch with us and thus couldn't see anything, but I did see a polo shirt I quite liked, which turned out to be a completely different colour once I got it outside in the light. A&F thinks it's being fun and cool, in a totally false way, like someone's shouting at you to have a good time, and thus is unintentionally hysterical in spite of itself. I think there's irony in there somewhere…

Ah, so what else? Oh yeah, Ft Lauderdale is a bit dumb, bless it, and felt a tad provincial. It's Brighton with better weather and a prettier population, and thus has the same charms as Brighton with the added bonus of not having to wear a coat, gloves and a scarf on the beach. To own the truth I found the place slightly bland and soulless, but this was compensated by the (overly) friendly people we met. Certainly I'm going to visit again soon, but it's not somewhere I could ever envisage living. At least not until I win a lot of money and have extensive surgery. Or become an aging Jewess, which seems unlikely.

I have a feeling that this entire post disses the US, and I don't want it to. I love going to America. It's so much like home, but with those little surprise-and-delight differences. Until next year...