A great concert, spoilt only by the absolute shambles that was Wembley's Security and The London Underground. For a start, Security told the back of a very long queue that they could move to the gates before they bothered telling those of us that had waited for hours, thus allowing those who had literally been waiting only minutes to get to the front of the queue and thus causing a stampede from those who had been patiently waiting all day and who were now missing out.
Then London Underground saw fit to close Wembley Park Tube Station at 12:00am with at least half of the audience still trying to make their way home (after the concert had over-run). Result; tens of thousands of irate people causing a near riot to try to get to cabs and buses. And of course none of the buses actually go anywhere near Central London. We ended up walking in a completely random direction - having no idea which way was home but just wanting to get out of the crowds - and finally came across a stop for a bus which went to Oxford Circus. A 40 minute bus ride, then a £20 cab ride later and we were home - at 2:40am!
And I won't even begin to tell you about the girl in front of us at the concert who got drunk and decided to start a fight with everyone around her. She eventually got thrown out (just before Madonna took to the stage), much to our relief, but not before she'd kicked, spat and punched everyone around her - except me, who for some reason she kept away from. She even called The Boyf "fat arse", which I found rather amusing as he doesn't really have much of a backside at all. I always joke that it's been worn away but he doesn't find it funny.
Anyway, on with the show…
Madge was 35 minutes late to start, which we decided had something to do with her trying to get the last few drops of blood out of the sacrificial virgins. Either that or she was having trouble emptying her colostomy bag.
Finally a parcel trolley was wheeled onto the stage complete with Her Madgeness, hands secured behind her back to stop her clawing at the audience with her talons, and with a mask over her face to stop her biting us (and hopefully to stop her trying to sing).
OK, I made that bit up.
She actually appeared in the centre of the stage on a throne, dressed in some old bling, and over the course of 2 hours firmly made the point that at 50 she's certainly not past it.
Rather obviously she concentrated on the current album (I won't bore you here with a withering attack on it, suffice to say that I know it's already going to win my "Worst Album Of The Year" award), but actually some of the new songs worked better live than they do on record. Sprinkled in were a fair selection of older songs, all of which were re-interpreted in some way. So we had rockier versions of "Human Nature", "Into The Groove", "Hung Up" and "Borderline", and mash-ups of "Vogue/4 Minutes", "Music/Put Your Hands Up For Detroit" and "Like A Prayer/Feels Like Home", the latter by Meck, which itself blatently steals the riff from "Don't You Want My Love" by Felix. All worked very well I thought.
What also worked remarkably well was the Romanian Folk Music segment, which sounds like an abomination we could well do without but was actually one of the best parts of the show, being full of energy and excitement.
Her Madgeness ended the concert with "4 Minutes" (this time sans "Vogue") and then a seriously danced-up version of "Give It To Me", thankfully without the comedy production of the original. (I'm pretty sure Pharrell actually gave this song to a group of 5 year olds to produce in Music Class, and has been pissing himself every time he hears it since).
Ok, I need to get something off my chest about "4 Minutes". So, Timbaland and Madonna are in the studio writing this song and deciding on the concept (you just know Madonna has concepts for her songs). So the concept is "There's only 4 minutes left to save the world" and in the video there can be a timer counting down from 04:00. Brilliant! So the song's 4 minutes long? No, it's 4 minutes and 3 seconds. Er, couldn't someone just tell Justin Timberlake to shut up for 3 seconds and end the song on time? Apparently that would make too much sense.
Other points to note; Madonna can actually sing. Who knew? Whereas Kylie has a thin, whiney voice she can at least hit all her notes. With Madonna you're always perpetually nervous that she's going to go for a high note and miss, with disasterous, ear-shattering results. But not this time. Oddly, it was the low notes she was struggling with, which made "Ray Of Light" an unusual experience, with it's low drone and sudden piercing chorus. One can only assume that, clearly being a cyborg, she's had her voice synthesizer altered to help with her upper range.
There are only two negatives I can really throw at it. Firstly the sound in Wembley was awful. And I mean, REALLY awful. It's just not a good venue for concerts. Secondly, as with this type of artist we're left with an empty stage as they do a costume change, and as usual this saps the energy and kills any momentum. I thought Madonna's were worse than normal, as she rarely had much going on on stage, preferring to leave it to playing a video of her singing a song on the big screens (which apparently weren't big enough to be seen from the back of Wembley).
All in all though a great show (and I haven't even mentioned the sets, the dancers (one of whom was hot-Hot-HOT) and Britney Spears on the video screen). Madonna can rest easy in her coffin each day knowing she's thoroughly entertained us.
Update:
Apparently at last count 3,000 people had complained to Live Nation about the sound and the terrible organisation, particularly with the concert over-running and causing difficulty for people trying to get home. We've heard that some people had to sleep on the street until the Underground started up again in the morning. Shameful.
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