Warning! Eurovision Blog Alert!

I'm utterly amazed that even the Irish and the Maltese (I do love the Maltese you know. If any are reading get in touch and we’ll do lunch. Or sex. Your choice) gave us any points at Eurovision, although I have to say that even the dreaded Scooch were no worse than most of the other dross inflicted on my already troubled eardrums (I'd been to see my Mum earlier in the day).

What's made me really laugh is the level of debate that's sprung up about this. Should we pull out? (We pay something like 1/4 of the cost of running Eurovision and then get a proverbial slap round the chops when it comes to the voting). Will any Western European country ever win again? Some twerp suggested we ban countries voting for their neighbours. I mean, how is this worked out? Technically the UK doesn't have an adjoining neighbour, whereas Moldova probably has like 5 or something (sorry, I can't be bothered to look it up). Oh, damn it, the perfectionist Scorpio that I am won't allow me not to know which countries adjoin Moldova. Hang on, I'm gonna have to look at a map...

(insert "on hold" music here)

Right, Moldova is only bordered by two countries; Ukraine and Romania. I should have used Slovakia as my example, it being bordered by the Czech Republic, Poland, Ukraine, Romania, Hungary and Austria.

Sorry, where was I?

Oh yeah, I'm just amazed that The Boyf and I decided to stay in on Saturday night and watch it. Ok, I’m not THAT amazed – it was my suggestion after all. We were on our own too, although I did have both of OBM's on the phone throughout to appraise songs and outfits. Naturally they voted for Ukraine (the bacofoil-wrapped drag queen with the star on his head), whereas I'd found myself cavorting around our living room trailing a chiffon headscarf to the tribal drumming of the Bulgarian entry, so thought it might be worth the price of a text vote. When my phone bill comes in and I realise it cost me a fiver I'm not going to be impressed though.

In the end it was won by a Serbain lesbian. Who knew lesbianity was even legal over there? She looked like a "Who Ate All The Pies?" version of k.d. lang without the vocal ability, which, when you think about it, kind of equates to Meatloaf. And I don’t care what you read elsewhere, the song was dull, dull, dull.

Anyway, after all that excitement (!) The Boyf and I decided to go out. Yes, it was nearly midnight, and by the time we'd both showered, trimmed beards and decided what we were going to wear it was about 1am. At that time of the morning the easiest bet is XXL, and it wasn't too bad even though they had a Best of Eurovision CD on repeat in the back bar.

We had a dance, I got ignored by the South African again, and we went back home at 4am feeling better for getting out for a couple of hours.