Saunas And Sore Knees

So, how was your weekend then? No, it's ok, you don't really have to tell me. I was just trying to be polite.

Let me tell you about mine.

The Boyf's Mum is currently ill and pretty much bed-ridden, so on Friday evening we battled the traffic - quite literally; I used a long broom to poke cars out of our way - and drove up to the Midlands to visit her.

Saturday was actually spent in a, ahem, Gentleman's Health Club, trying not to look like I'd fallen completely in love with a big hairy bodybuilder that - surprise! - I found myself next to in the jacuzzi. Apparently he was in the minority and had actually gone to the sauna to relax and not just have mindless sex, as he spurned the furtive glances I gave him from behind my fan, and "accidental" touching of his very thick hairy leg. At least, that's what I've told myself.

Late Saturday afternoon was spent in the company of The Boyf's Mother, who I must admit did seem to be really ill, rather than just being dramatic, and genuinely pleased to see us. As long as we didn't show any affection towards each other of course. Saturday evening meant a trip to a pub in Birmingham, and that's about all I can say about that really. Oh, some guy came over and asked if we were "stuck up Londoners", so with annoyance we said "Yes" and turned our backs on him.

On Sunday we got up early and drove back to London, and what followed was a whirlwind of drink, drugs, dancing and sex. BarCodeV gave way to the RVT, which in turn gave way to The Hoist. The final thing to give way were my knees at around 2 in the morning. However, I have to say that I was thwarted in every attempt to blag the men I really liked. It was just one of those evenings where everyone I wanted was unavailable in some way. Not that I was flirting of course. Oh no, I was far more brazen than that. Oh well, it seemed I sent two men home with smiles on their faces, and that meant a weekend well spent in my book, if you'll pardon the pun.