OMO At The Movies: "Mamma Mia!"

Yeah, so I was going to mention "Mamma Mia!". I do love it when they put an exclamation mark in the title of a film to remind us that we're all supposed to be having fun.

I'm going to go utterly against common public and critical feeling and say that this is one of the worst films I've ever had the misfortune to sit through.

Now, there are a lot of awful films out there. You know, the sort of thing that's shown on ITV on a Wednesday afternoon, invariably with a mother with a debilitating illness, or an athlete overcoming an accident to win a race. I don't count those as bad films because they know what they are - cheap. A bad film for me is one which has had a lot of money spent on it and then falls short of it's hype. Thus, "Sketch Artist II: Hands That See" is kinda watchable, whilst "Independence Day" is a load of old tripe.

So, "what's wrong with "Mamma Mia!" apart from the exclamation mark?", I hear you say. It's amateurish, for a start. Amateurish and lazy beyond belief. Where the stage version just about gets away with cornily shoe-horned in Abba songs because it's all a bit of a giggle and because you feel somewhat involved, the film version just comes across as ill-conceived and childish. And SO literal; "When the pretty birds have flown" (in "Take A Chance On Me") is accompanied by some doves taking off from a roof - I mean, COME ON! And the dance scene where the villagers join in just looks like a cheap Olivio advert.

The casting is awful. Only the daughter seems suitable for her part. It's oh so obvious that they've cast people for who they are, not for any discernible ability. "Oh, wouldn't it be nice to have Pierce Brosnan". "Can he sing?". "Who cares, it's Pierce Brosnan!". Even he admitted in an interview that he didn't realise he was going to have to sing. What, noone told him it was a musical when they cast him? He's the worst offender on the signing front, but Meryl Streep isn't far behind. She annihilates "The Winner Takes It All", and puts in an odd, manic performance in which she looks like the HRT has kicked in and she's forgotten her Tenna Lady.

Elsewhere, Julie Waters does exactly what it says on the tin. She puts on a Northern accent and stumbles about a lot, in a parody of every performance she's ever done before. I took to saying "Miss Babs" at the end of every line she uttered, and it fitted perfectly. Every other member of the cast appears ill at ease or seems to be phoning their performance in from the safety of their motorhome. Most of the song and dance routines have that same car crash feeling as when you're Mum and Dad get up to do "The Time Warp" at a wedding reception.

The whole thing looks cheap and childish, and the actors appear to just be mucking about in front of a camera whilst expecting us to enjoy it all. And no thought's gone into translating it from stage to screen - they obviously just found somewhere which looked like the stage scenery and plonked the whole lot there without any thought as to how to make it work on celluloid. Lazy, lazy, lazy. Oh, and the editing and sound are awful too.

Can you tell I didn't like it? It was only the second film I've nearly walked out of, the first being "Batman & Robin".

As a final indication of how bad it was, I can say one thing which I cannot forgive it for. I grew up listening to, and loving, Abba, but "Mamma Mia!" has crushed all that love and affection. I don't think I can stand listening to Abba for a while, and that angers me.