Orgasms All Round

I'm looking utterly humpy today in a new suit. Everyone thinks so. I nearly started an impromptu orgy on the Tube on the way to work, just because I look sooooo do-able. No, seriously, I do. You'd totally cum in your pants if you saw me now. I've given my boss three orgasms already, and he doesn't even like gays.

After the unenjoyment (another word I'm campaigning for) that was last week's Juicy, The Boyf and I decided to have a few weeks away from clubbing. No doubt we'll go out over Easter, but after that it'll be special nights only for a while. So, Friday night we went to BarCodeV to celebrate a friends birthday, then, when everyone was leaving to go to a club, we politely declined and headed off home, much to everyones' shock.

Saturday was spent shopping - hence the new suit. As is usually the case I ended up buying the first one I bothered to try on, in the first shop I could be arsed to enter. So it took me all of 10 minutes to find a suit, try it on and pay for it - that's how I like to shop. Unfortunately on the way out I spotted another suit tucked away in a corner. It was a pale beige - not a colour I can get away with at work. Stupidly I stopped for a moment to try the jacket on and the damage was done. The Boyf thought it looked great on me, and a Twink With Beard sales assistant offered a "Oooo, you look faaaaaabulous darling!" as he swished past, but I complained that I didn't have anything to co-ordinate with it, so ended up with 2 new shirts, 3 ties and a new pair of shoes on top. Oops, spend-a-thon!

Saturday night I did my bit for international relations - again - by hosting the Greek God for a night of debauchery. Our neighbours banged on the wall at 2am, so we must have been making alot of noise. I was top for the night so it obviously wasn't me doing all the screaming. For a change.

We kicked the Greek out Sunday lunchtime and had only just found all the condoms and showered when OBM#1 & 2 came round to pick us up for lunch. They offered a "Ew! It totally smells like sex in here, you pigs!" as they walked in. Lord knows what the neighbours must think; one big hairy guy leaving and 5 minutes later another two turning up. Oh well, one neighbour is a drug dealer and another has a string of prostitutes visiting at all hours, so we're just trying to fit in.

After consuming some rather lovely, and reasonably priced, Mexican food (Chicken Enchilada for me, thanks), Sunday afternoon was spent wandering around Greenwich with Our Best Mates, looking at antiques and assorted bric-a-brac, and trying to convince OBM#1 that he looked hot in a kitsch white PVC 60's cap. I mean, all 6 foot, hairy, Glaswegian bodybuilders should wear white PVC.

After being dropped off by the boys The Boyf and I spent Sunday evening cuddled up in front of the tv. We're getting old and we don't care. And that was our weekend; shopping, sex, food and friends. Perfect.

Right, I'm off to give orgasms to everyone in my building. A quick walk up and down and they'll be copulating in the aisles. If you happen to see me today make sure you have a tissue handy. In fact, bring the whole box...