Celebrity Abuse

Last night I was verbally abused by a celebrity.

It had all started off rather well. The Boyf and I, plus our friend The Drag Queen, went to see George Michael in concert at Earls Court. The Boyf and I aren't exactly huge fans, although we both like certain of his songs and have at least one of his albums each. The Drag Queen on the other hand is a bona fide GM nut. She's actually going to every show that he's doing in London i.e. Saturday, Sunday, Tuesday, Wednesday and then twice in December, and has spent a couple of thousand pounds on tickets in total. Strange girl.

It was actually a very good show. The stage set is amazing, George's voice was on fine form (although we noticed he allowed the audience to sing all the high notes for him - how kind), and we got an ex-Sugababe (Mutya Buena) thrown in for free, eliciting much excitement from your very own OMO. A point to note however; she's looking scarily like Pete Burns these days, which I'm sure you'll agree isn't the best of looks to aspire to.

As for the celebrity abusing me, it was all a case of mistaken identity. After the concert we met OBM#1 and OBM#2 for a divorce party being thrown at the Soho Revue Bar by a celebrity one of us happens to have shared a limo with once. Said celebrity being perky-bottomed slaphead Gail Porter. She'd actually given OBM#1 a lift in her limo when he was on his way to London from Scotland to meet OBM#2 for the very first time, and of course during the journey he'd regaled her with stories of their internet dating and how this would be their first actual meeting. They've kept in touch since then and have become friends, although she'd never met OBM#2 before and was rather excited.

Anyway, Gail runs over to OBM#1 so that she can finally meet OBM#2, who happens to be busy at the bar, so instead OBM#1 introduces her to me. Now, I happen to have the same name as OBM#2 so Gail immediately thinks I'm OBM#1's boyfriend. She grabs me, pulls me to her, gives me a huge kiss, and says "Darling, I feel like I've known you forever. I've heard so much about you."

I (sheepishly) replied with, "Actually I'm not the right (insert name here). He's at the bar."

Gail, "Oh, in that case you can fuck off then", and pushing me aside wanders away to find the correct boyfriend.

So there you have it; shunned by a celebrity.