Camp - Part 1

I was 17, still in school, and had just passed my driving test. As with anyone this suddenly opened a world of opportunity, and I was out every night, driving around, finding my way about, discovering new places. I very quickly discovered that there was a place where everyone hung-out with their cars. Guys would drive there from miles around and park up and talk, or race each other round the one-way system, and I became one of them. Yes, I was a Boy Racer (rolls eyes)! I still have that gene in me now, as The Boyf will attest.

Anyway, I quickly became friends with a group of guys who, it transpired, lived in the same town as me. They were all in their early to mid 20's and had gone to a different school to me, hence our paths had never crossed before, but I quickly became friends with all of them and became part of their gang. As with any gang there are always a certain number of core members, plus a few people who drift in and out. And one of these drifters was a guy we'll refer to as "Camp", largely because he was. He took an instant shine to me, and when it transpired that he lived only 5 minutes walk from my home he suddenly took it upon himself to be my new best friend. I wasn't totally up for this, as I, along with the other guys in the gang, found him to be rather odd. He was fey, cracked the most awful jokes, and was generally the most uncool guy I'd met. And you know how important it is to be cool when you're 17!

It seemed like every evening I was out with Camp and the other guys, and much of the time Camp would pick me up, as he was closest, geographically. Over the course of a month or so the way Camp interracted with me became more outlandish, but only when we were alone, up to the point where he'd lay a hand on my knee and squeeze it when he was telling me something, or run a hand down my arm. Or he'd surreptiously pinch my ass as I walked past in a bar.

I knew he was gay of course. I knew the moment I met him. It was so obvious to all and sundry, and his girlfriend wasn't fooling anyone, not me or the other guys. But I couldn't relate to him. I couldn't relate to his flapping arms and high-pitched giggle. If this was what it was to be gay, then perhaps I wasn't. Maybe I was just something else. But I wanted to talk to him about it. I wanted to know whether he felt the same way about men as me. Strangely I saw him as completely non-sexual, and I guess this is true of many camp men - that's how heterosexual males can laugh at a men like John Inman or Larry Grayson without feeling threatened by their sexuality.

Then one night we were in his car and he suddenly pulled over. We were in the middle of nowhere. He turned to me and said "You're gay, aren't you?". I was stunned. Noone had ever said such a thing to me before. My mind raced. This is what I'd been waiting for, but to admit it to another person! He put a hand on my knee and asked me again. I couldn't look him in the eyes, so I dropped my gaze to my lap.

"It's ok, you can tell me. Come on, just tell me you're gay"

I started to cry. I don't know why I was so frightened, but I knew that once I said it I could never take it back. I didn't want to take it back, I wanted it to be out there, but how hard it was to utter those few words!

"I don't want to say it. We both know"

"No, you must say it. You HAVE to say it"

"I can't", I whispered.

"Of course you can. Come on, just say the words"

Gradually I composed myself somewhat, and looked up at him.

"That's it, go on, tell me you're gay", he said.

I closed my eyes, took a deep breath, and stammered, "I'm gay"

He removed his hand from my knee and said "I knew you were".

I felt the relief wash over me.

"You're gay too", I didn't so much as ask as just state the obvious. Finally I was going to have someone to talk to about how I felt.

His face hardened into a sneer. "No, I'm not. I've got a girlfriend. I'm not a queer like you"

"But you're gay! I know you're gay"

"No, I'm not, and you need to stop saying that. It's time you went home. Oh, and you'd better be prepared to tell your friends otherwise I'm going to have to". And with that he drove me home in silence.