Bringing You Up-To-Date

So, did you miss me?

You did notice I'd not written anything since before Easter?

Hmmm, thought as much.

Well, let me tell you what I've been up to. I'll try to keep this brief...

Easter
We had friends over from New York so did the whole club-thing.

Mugs Stolen By Americans From Cafe Nero on Saturday = 2 (although one broke on the way home)
Mugs Stolen By Americans From Cafe Nero on Sunday = 0 (because they wouldn't give us mugs as "someone keeps stealing them". Ooops!)
Bars/Clubs Visited = 7 (The King's Arms (3/10), Comptons (5/10), Chunks (6/10), Megawoof (5/10), "Resurrection" at Club Colosseum (7/10), RVT (8/10), "Bootylicious" at Area (4/10))
Guys Snogged = 0 (The shame!)
Whiney Americans In Bars = 7
Sexy Go-Go Dancer Who I Utterly Fell In Lust With, And Who Looked Very Interested In Me, Only For Him To Be Whisked Off At The Last Minute By My Mate Who I Now Hate* = 1

Last Week
We took a few days off work and visited The Boyf's family and friends in The Midlands.

Castles Visited = 1 (Warwick. Very beautiful but full of French tourists. I refrained from trying my version of their language on them)
Bars/Clubs Visited = 1 (The Fountain in Birmingham (5/10))
Saunas Visited = 1 (The Greenhouse in Darlaston (6/10))
Guys Blown In Sauna = 2

Saturday
The Boyf and I travelled from the Midlands down to Kent to visit my Mum for the afternoon, then back home to watch Dr Who and go out for a drink.

Bars/Clubs Visited = 2 (The Hoist (NSFW) - nothing going on and they were playing Abba again! (3/10), XXL - cause we didn't fancy going home early (6/10))
Americans Dragged Back To Ours For Sex = 1
Number of Times The American Said "Fuck yeah! You guys are HOT!" in a Southern drawl = Innumerable
Number of Hours Sleep = 2

Sunday
Took advantage of the incredible weather and dragged ourselves to Battersea Park for a picnic with OBM#1 and #2, who'd been up all night shagging.

Number Of Hours Spent Laying On Grass Staring At Each Other Barely Able To Speak= 6
Bottles Of Champagne Consumed = 1 (apparently I'm the only one who believes all picnics must include champers and strawberries)
Hot Men In Shorts = 2
Hot Men In Shorts Who We Wolf-Whistled = 2
Hot Men In Shorts Who Reacted To Whistles = 0. Dammit!
Bars/Clubs Visited = 1 (I have no idea what it was called. We popped in on the way home for a quiet drink (4/10))
Take-Aways Needed To Fill The Hole Left By The Picnic = 1 (Chinese)

And there you go, you're now completely up-to-date.

* Just to let you know that I don't really hate him, and in fact he's been dating the go-go dancer ever since and they're getting along very well, which I'm rather pleased about.